Monday, September 7, 2009

2 picks and bad golf.

Jeeze... At least I picked two correctly. Congrats BYU, Oklahoma's offensive line hasn’t picked up one of your blitzes yet. Kudos to the OU defense, they did almost everything they could to keep what was suppose to be the best offense in FBS football in the game. Good job OK state and Bama for helping me look like less of a complete idiot. “Hands down rahba rahba… heroes rahba rahba… 21 points rahba…”

The OU game is on pay per view next week, maybe the pops will order it.

I played golf yesterday. I was looking for something funny to type up here on the good old internet and I saw a spot where you could submit a “bad” golf joke. I submitted my score… We’ll see. Anyone that plays golf knows that a 132 is in fact a horrible, abominable, unholy excuse for a golf score. It’s probably the worst I’ve ever played. I’ve shot a 100 once. I never said I was good, but I’ve never been a 132 bad. The “optimist” might see it as getting your money’s worth. I’m not real sure if you could tell, but if you know me, optimism is lost on me. I bet I lost 24 balls my last two outings. Most of the issue is concentration. I don’t concentrate enough to do what I’m supposed to on the course. I’m also real sensitive about people asking me if they need to hold my purse because my put came up short. If I had a $700 a month golf budget, I’d be better than anyone ever, and that’s real.

So, I’m playing golf again today, courtesy of Travis. I’m on his dime and using his balls. More than likely, some of his clubs too. We are playing in Porter. This is a 9 hole course that doesn’t have quite the moxy as the 18 that I shot the 132 at. The great thing about this course, the last time I went, my party was asked to not come back. They didn’t say that to us, they told some friends of mine that they told us to not come back. I really believe that there was just one person in the group that saw to this expulsion. My at the time roommates, a super cool guy, and I went to the Porter course. The super cool guy always has to race you at something. From how fast he can drink his beer, to if he can beat you to the tee box. Not to mention, possibly, he likes to see if he can be the loudest person on the course too. I guess we were on the 13th hole or so and our cart runs out of juice. We pop it in FWD and my roommate gets behind us and pushes us with his cart up to the “club house.” I think we were about 30 feet from the metal building added on to another building of some kind when a lady came out of the screen door at a dead sprint. (You read it right, screen door on a club house.) She hopped on a purple tricked out cart and rode it for all of 3 feet (by that time we were there) and jumped out and started screaming at us. “YOU ARE GOING TO RUIN IT! WHAT GEAR ARE YOU IN??”
The super cool guy had the wheel and I was in the passenger seat. I yelled back at her, “GEEEAAAARRR??” It was probably the best/funniest movie quote that I had ever used in everyday conversation. (DOGMA) The first thing the lady went for was all the beer cans, all 5 of them, and said, “How about we lay off of these for the rest of the day, guys.” We didn’t tear anything up, but when a few friends of mine went back the course had new rules and a sign in sheet. When they asked about the sheet the employees said that the super cool guy and I ruined the front end of one cart, and the back end of another. They also said that we did damage to some of the greens and fairways and the entire total damage (including carts) was around $5000 or so. There is absolutely no way, at all, that we caused even $20 worth. If I did anything, it was walking fairway crab grass seeds up onto the patchy ass greens. Today, I will be returning. We’ll see.


  1. This is hilarious. I love to golf, but like you, I have trouble with concentration.
    The end of your story reminds me of the time I took my cousin's wife from Germany to our local swimming pool. She stripped down naked. The next time I went back, they had added an 11th rule...Must wear bathing suit at all times.
    By the way, how often do you "use" Travis's balls and club???