I've got some new followers so I thought just incase you didnt look at one of my past 6 blogs that you might enjoy reading this. I don't know what happen to the pictures so you might just have to go check those out on my Sept. 9th post. Annnnnnd we're off..
Blogger world! I shot a 102 at Porter Peach Beach. That's right... I took 30 strokes off of my score. I would have shot under a 100 but they counted strokes when I was swinging at mosquitoes the size of horse flies. Anyways, the reason I have gathered here today is to educate you about the town of Welling. So if you ever venture in that direction, you will be prepared. This particular blog could very well save your life one day. I sell things. I’m not the guy that will sell you a lemon and make you like it. I’m the guy that will sale you what you want. Or what you don’t want depending on gas prices. I see myself as more customer service oriented. I’ve never sold cars, however; vacuums, boots, and currently cellular phones. If you live in a county that touches my county, you’ve bought something from me. I sold a vacuum cleaner to a barber shop with tile floors. Scout’s honor.
I worked for a vacuum cleaner company in the summer of 2004. I remember it was summer because the ac in my ’95 Ford Contour didn’t work. To give you a brief history of the Contour: I was previously in a low rider club and it was on air ride. For any of you that don’t know, air ride is for the most part like hydraulics only with air. The Contour… Jeeze, the air hoses leaked, the compressor didn’t work, the valves stuck… By far, adding four air struts to this car was one of the worst financial decisions I have ever made. I digress… So, it’s hot, and I have to go “Demo” a vacuum in Welling, OK.
These demos were set up with a phone call and directions to the house are taken at that time. Needless to say, the directions I was given were incorrect once I got into the town. The town consists of a fire station and a post office that is hidden. Following my directions, I turn left on the 2nd paved road after the Illinois River. Making this left turn I notice that there is a sign on a corner post that says, “Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again.” Doesn’t seem to be a good start to a sale… I follow this paved road for about 4 miles, seeing several signs of my leaving civilization. At the end of the paved road there is a small store named, The General Store. Just past the store, the now dirt road has split, north or south. You remember I have no ac in my car so I thought I’d stop in the store and grab a cool beverage and a pack of gum. As I pull up to the store an old man is out front rocking in his chair. In disgust, the old man gets out of the chair and goes inside as I park. When I walk into the store it looks like something out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. There were no cold beverages. None… The closest thing to a cold beverage was the oldest Yoo-hoo I have ever seen in my life. I’m 27 years old. This bottle of Yoo-hoo was older than 27 years. I googled around and found one that looked like the case I saw that day.
Same with gum…
The amount of dust on both of these products was unimaginable. I made no purchases that day and decided to go on about my business after asking for directions to the location of the demo. The old man behind the counter at the general store told me he had no recollection of anyone by the name I had ever living in the area.
I decided to take a right at the fork and go from there. As I was driving around looking for signs of life, I was also in a no cell service area. I couldn’t get in touch with base and even when I did get reception to call the number I had for the demo wasn’t answering. I was driving relatively slow; no air in the struts, dirt road, etc, and came up upon what looked like at least 1/3 of a tree laying in the road. I’m not real sure a 4X4 truck could have cleared the “limb.” I pulled to a stop and got out to move it. This was a roll your sleeves up job. So I rolled them up and started heaving it over enough to drive around it. I got it moved about 3 feet when I realized that I was moving the limb and what appeared to be a 25’ snake! I ran, ran smooth as fast as I could and jumped in my car window head first, almost Dukes of Hazard style. I ran because after my initial startle, it chased me. It was one of those Blue black racin’ snakes. I don’t care much for snakes, let alone snakes that chase you. With two tires in the ditch, I managed to drive around the tree limb hoping to run over the snake that was long gone by now. Continuing on, still no help from the office, I came across yet another large limb in the road, only this time, the ditch was a pond. I don’t mean it had rained, I mean the road I was on drove over the bank of a pond full of lily pads. The other side of the road was dense in vegetation. Just thickets and shiz right up to the road. There was no way around this. I had to remove the tree limb from the road. My sleeves were still rolled up, that saved a little time right there. This limb was considerably smaller so I was able to herc it into the thickness to the right of the road. Just as I let go I heard, what started very quiet, the most ferocious growl I have ever heard in my entire life. I stood as still as possible, remembering that a T-Rex could only see movement. I was sure that if I made any sudden moves, I would suffer a horrible death. Sure enough, the growling stopped and it was go time. I took a half a step and out of the bushes, with hell fire in its eyes, popped out the beast. When it came at me, I was scared. I peed a little. I ran, ran smooth as fast as I could and jumped in my car window head first, almost Dukes of Hazard style. When I got situated in my car, I looked out the window and the beast was up on the side of my car still carrying on. It was, in fact, the cutest little female dachshund I had ever seen. This little pink collared, 4 pound house pet had my pants wet. I thought about keeping it, seeing as how there was no house in site, but went on my way. Feisty little thing followed barking for about a mile in slow dirt road travel. It stopped when it saw my next obstacle, a cow, a cow just standing in the middle of the road. With again no way around, I had to get the cow to move. The horn didn’t work, so I decided that since my grandfather had cows, I could somehow get the cow to move. I tried the horn for a while. After realizing the cow didn’t have hearing problems because it would look at me after the horn blew, I knew that something else had to be done. I got out; sleeves rolled up, and proceeded to whip the cow’s backside with a stick. This did nothing. I didn’t even make the damned cow mad. I even tried pushing the cow to see if I could get it moving in a direction, nothing. I pulled a patch of sweet elephant grass and tried to tempt it, nothing… I was to the point to where I was just going to run it over, when I sat down and started my car, it just walked on off the road. I was pissed! On the road again. By now I have no clue where I am or, once again, if there is any houses. It’s about 4:30 pm, plenty of sun left on a summer afternoon, and I’m driving down a well lit dirt road when all of a sudden, the road veers wicked left into a canapé of trees. It went from bright daylight to the darkness of night in 3 feet. I turned my headlights on, and was determined to make a sale, until I found the church. In the middle of the darkness, set a lone church. There was a wooden, hand made sign resting out in front of the church with a single ray of sunlight shining upon it. It read, “Church of the First Born” and I’m out… For one, that was creepy. Two, I happened to be the 2nd in my family. I busted a U’ie in the road and headed back the way I came hoping I wasn’t seen by any of these people. On the way back, I saw no cow, no limbs, and no weenie dogs. Somehow, when I made my way back to the General Store, I ended up on the other part of the fork in the road. When I got to the paved road, I hauled ass. Just about 1 mile back on I saw a 90’s model Grand Am on the side of the road with the hood up, the front smash, smoking, with a guy standing out in front scratching his head. I had just gone through some crazy shiz and didn’t wish it on anyone else, so I check my cell service and started slowing down to see if he needed to make a phone call. Just as I approached the car the guy pulls out a Desert Eagle 5.0 and empties the clip into whatever was in the ditch. I spun out. From a 5 mile an hour creep, I accelerated to as fast as my Contour could travel. I didn’t let up until I got back on highway 10 headed into Tahlequah. I will never go back to Welling… Ever…
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Uptown Uptown!
Shoooot, Look at me. 6 followers. That's worth 2 consecutive blogs. I'm listening to some Matchbox Twenty. That's right. Rob Thomas. Is it too much Tuna because its still 2 days away from payday Tuesday? Is that a blog day? What about, Too bad I had to work and I didn't get to blog Tuesdays? I finally slipped on the ice. Just after I told a guy that I hadn't yet. Yeah, God loves me.. I recovered fast like and back flipped my way to soft fresh powder and landed safe and sound like a Mary Lou Retton dismount from '84. It has a lot to do with the dress shoes I was wearing. They have no tread and are split at the toe bend of both soles. I wear them because I could sneak up on an angry squirrel in these shoes. I really need to get back to writing and recording. Its hard to sing in my apartment, because I sing loud. You gotta hit those notes yo. I should just record and not even really worry about writing right now. I have plenty of songs to record. I've got the write block anyways. Its like I've hit a, "I don't give a shit" wall. I need inspiration. When Travis came at me with the rap idea, I had a song ready in 36 hours. Ask him. I need a muse. I don't have anything to write about aside from broken heart shiz and you can only get away with that if you are skinny or have a skinny bass player that hogs all the attention away from the button that popped off your skinny jeans during the lead guitar solo in the 4th song when you were moving your rock star hips a little more than usual. Id write about saving the world, but I think I left my kitchen light on and I don't recycle. That's asking for bad Joo joo. Check out the music at www.myspace.com/jlkinman
Monday, December 28, 2009
How does it feel?
So, I've been asked to Produce a rap song for Travy G and his super blog. We've got a Melody, a chorus, and 1 sick ass verse. Imma drop it like its hot, cause I keep it real. Monster Trio is shooting the video. The director and I have some story boards worked up already which really just consists of me dancing in the back groung wearing a lot of diamonds and shiny suits. Not at different times, I plan on having on 5 shiny suits. So for my four peeps, word. You ain't never heard something so absurd. We walking like a herd, we ain't blurred, you're out of focus, Hocus pocus, we bring the locusts, like a plague. You say its vague, I say, hold up, wait.
Stay Tuned.
Stay Tuned.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
OU Texas, Pregame speech.
This is what I’d tell the team if I were giving the pregame speech:
Sam (Bradford), you are the leader. You are a Heisman trophy winner. We will need your leadership. You have to keep your chin up and your head in the game for 4 quarters no matter what.
DeMarco (Murry), you are always one step away from the big play. Just one step away from greatness, let’s make it happen.
Chirs (Brown), Sr., you’ve been doing a good job hitting the holes and running north and south and running hard. Give me two more yards out of each run. Every time!
Matt (Clap), another Sr., get out there and put that defensive end on his ass. Right now, until the end of the game, I want his knees shaking thinking we are running off tackle again.
WR- Guys, Catch and tuck. Catch and tuck. You all have the capability to make great plays, just concentrate. Make the catch; tuck the ball, then go make the magic happen. Keep your head up, play ball, score touchdowns.
Offensive line, Guys, I bet you could move a bulldozer. Get low, get underneath their pads and push them 10 yards down field. Let’s play smash mouth football. Give your QB time to get the ball down field. He’s not just going to hold on to it. We Need 3 more seconds, block them low, get those hands down, something. Let’s blast them off the ball and get them sucking air. Don’t forget to pick up the blitz.
D Line, Contain!! Attack McCoy from the outside. Flush him up into the heart of the defense. Let him take a few shots from our LBs, or our hour hard hitting secondary. Hit him hard. Hit him clean. Create turnovers! English, Beal, Let’s get ‘em!
Linebackers, Reynolds, you have to get this D pumped. I see you as the leader. Get in their heads. Get the D fired up. Make plays. Force 2 and 3 and longs. Don’t forget about those flats. And most importantly, wrap up. Tackle, Tackle, Tackle! Lewis, I want to see you in the end zone today.
DBs, McCoy is just going to throw to Shipley or his tight end. You have a great LB crew in front of you, but don’t be afraid to come up and make a tackle. Play the pass first. Be in the right places. Make them make poor decisions and let’s score points. 2 picks, I need 2, and we win this game.
Special Teams! Field position! I can’t express how important it is going to be today. We have to make big plays. Have to. Let’s stay in our lanes and make good solid tackles.
You are the best, every one of you. The media can say what they want, but you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t the best. We have something to prove today, Sooners, we have to prove that we are better than the 2 points that gave us our two loses. Seniors.., this is the last time you will play at the Cotton Bowl… Most of you freshman here have been thinking about this your entire life. It’s Game Day. It’s Game Time. If you play like I know you can, and leave it all on the field… all I have left is one question, who wants to beat Texas?
Sam (Bradford), you are the leader. You are a Heisman trophy winner. We will need your leadership. You have to keep your chin up and your head in the game for 4 quarters no matter what.
DeMarco (Murry), you are always one step away from the big play. Just one step away from greatness, let’s make it happen.
Chirs (Brown), Sr., you’ve been doing a good job hitting the holes and running north and south and running hard. Give me two more yards out of each run. Every time!
Matt (Clap), another Sr., get out there and put that defensive end on his ass. Right now, until the end of the game, I want his knees shaking thinking we are running off tackle again.
WR- Guys, Catch and tuck. Catch and tuck. You all have the capability to make great plays, just concentrate. Make the catch; tuck the ball, then go make the magic happen. Keep your head up, play ball, score touchdowns.
Offensive line, Guys, I bet you could move a bulldozer. Get low, get underneath their pads and push them 10 yards down field. Let’s play smash mouth football. Give your QB time to get the ball down field. He’s not just going to hold on to it. We Need 3 more seconds, block them low, get those hands down, something. Let’s blast them off the ball and get them sucking air. Don’t forget to pick up the blitz.
D Line, Contain!! Attack McCoy from the outside. Flush him up into the heart of the defense. Let him take a few shots from our LBs, or our hour hard hitting secondary. Hit him hard. Hit him clean. Create turnovers! English, Beal, Let’s get ‘em!
Linebackers, Reynolds, you have to get this D pumped. I see you as the leader. Get in their heads. Get the D fired up. Make plays. Force 2 and 3 and longs. Don’t forget about those flats. And most importantly, wrap up. Tackle, Tackle, Tackle! Lewis, I want to see you in the end zone today.
DBs, McCoy is just going to throw to Shipley or his tight end. You have a great LB crew in front of you, but don’t be afraid to come up and make a tackle. Play the pass first. Be in the right places. Make them make poor decisions and let’s score points. 2 picks, I need 2, and we win this game.
Special Teams! Field position! I can’t express how important it is going to be today. We have to make big plays. Have to. Let’s stay in our lanes and make good solid tackles.
You are the best, every one of you. The media can say what they want, but you wouldn’t be here if you weren’t the best. We have something to prove today, Sooners, we have to prove that we are better than the 2 points that gave us our two loses. Seniors.., this is the last time you will play at the Cotton Bowl… Most of you freshman here have been thinking about this your entire life. It’s Game Day. It’s Game Time. If you play like I know you can, and leave it all on the field… all I have left is one question, who wants to beat Texas?
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Oct. 3
Woo, last week was a doooosie. I got six picks wrong! Upsets er’where! We’ll see about this week.
I’ve got #22 Michigan over Michigan State.
Wisconsin over Minnesota - Minnesota could easily stick it in my butt on this pick.
#4 LSU over #18 Georgia - I mean c’mon… Georgia got beat my OK State!
# 15 Penn State over The Fightin’ Illini of Illinois. - I like Juice Williams but Illinois is not Iowa. I don’t think they can pull of the upset.
UCLA over Stanford- This is a toss up for sure. 3-0 vs. 3-1 unranked teams.
Notre Dame over Washington – If it was at Washington, they might have the mustard.
Arkansas over Texas A&M - This was a tough pick for me, A&M has the better record at 3-0 but they just don’t do it for me. Razorbacks get it done at Jerry's world.
Auburn over Tennessee – Are you kidding me, a SEC team that is 4-0 and not ranked??
USC over Cal – USC slipped up against Washington, and Cal got owned by Oregon, don’t expect for USC to slip against Cal.
#8 Oklahoma over #17 Miami –
Miami's attempt to bounce back after its first loss of the season won't be easy as Oklahoma comes to town. The Sooners have pitched back-to-back shutouts since losing to BYU in their opener. The Hurricanes have a 2-1 edge in Miami, where the teams haven't met since the Canes beat OU for the national title in 1988. If OU’s D line and O line come to play, it’s going to be OU all the way. The offensive line needs to pick up blitzes from a defense a little more talented then their last two opponents. The defensive line needs to put pressure on Jecory Harris, and make big plays. Harris was 9for25 against Va Tech… something to think about.
I’ve got #22 Michigan over Michigan State.
Wisconsin over Minnesota - Minnesota could easily stick it in my butt on this pick.
#4 LSU over #18 Georgia - I mean c’mon… Georgia got beat my OK State!
# 15 Penn State over The Fightin’ Illini of Illinois. - I like Juice Williams but Illinois is not Iowa. I don’t think they can pull of the upset.
UCLA over Stanford- This is a toss up for sure. 3-0 vs. 3-1 unranked teams.
Notre Dame over Washington – If it was at Washington, they might have the mustard.
Arkansas over Texas A&M - This was a tough pick for me, A&M has the better record at 3-0 but they just don’t do it for me. Razorbacks get it done at Jerry's world.
Auburn over Tennessee – Are you kidding me, a SEC team that is 4-0 and not ranked??
USC over Cal – USC slipped up against Washington, and Cal got owned by Oregon, don’t expect for USC to slip against Cal.
#8 Oklahoma over #17 Miami –
Miami's attempt to bounce back after its first loss of the season won't be easy as Oklahoma comes to town. The Sooners have pitched back-to-back shutouts since losing to BYU in their opener. The Hurricanes have a 2-1 edge in Miami, where the teams haven't met since the Canes beat OU for the national title in 1988. If OU’s D line and O line come to play, it’s going to be OU all the way. The offensive line needs to pick up blitzes from a defense a little more talented then their last two opponents. The defensive line needs to put pressure on Jecory Harris, and make big plays. Harris was 9for25 against Va Tech… something to think about.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Every other Saturday, I have to work a 10 hour shift. This happens to be one of those Saturdays, so I won’t be watching the OU, Tulsa game. You can bet I’ll be listening to it on the radio. Once again, OU’s offensive line will be the tell tale. Landry Jones will be under center when Oklahoma hosts Tulsa. The freshman will make his second start after throwing for 286 yards and 3 touchdowns against Idaho State. This one could turn into an offensive show. Tulsa led the nation in total offense the past two seasons, and ranks 10th in points scored this season. I’m going to pick, OU, of course. I think the D and the home crowd will keep Tulsa close to their original line of scrimmage for most of the game. Watch for Tulsa to put a lot of heat on OU’s line backing crew with short passes in the flats and in hook zones.
My picks for this Saturday are as follows:
Texas Tech @ #2 Texas: Mac Brown is going to try and score 99 points to squash the beef from last year. Can you believe he wanted to move OU to the BIG XII north because he was tired of losing? Texas
#8 Cal @ Minnesota: The Bears have one of the best running backs in the country in Best, I see him with 150 yard before the game is out in Minnesota’s new on campus stadium. Can the 2-0 Golden Gophers stay undefeated against a ranked team? Cal
#19 Nebraska @ #13 Virginia Tech: Nebraska has a score to settle, but have the odds against them. With 984 yards total offense in the first to games, Nebraska is going to bring a solid game. The Hokies have not lost a nonconference home game in their past 31 tries. If VT makes to many mistakes, watch for the Huskers to come through with a W.
Virginia Tech.
East Carolina @ #24 North Carolina: Didn’t East Carolina get off to a good start last year? I haven’t seen much of the pirates this year. I wouldn’t mind an upset, but I think I’m going to stick to the rankings on this one. UNC
#23 Georgia @ Arkansas: Suey Pig! Georgia was the team that got beat by Oklahoma State at Oklahoma State. This is a chance for Arkansas to get an early SEC win. Home field advantage and pure moxy give Arkansas the win. Arkansas
Boston College @ Clemson: Boston College has looked pretty good in there first 2 games. Clemson likes to get out to a slow start. The BC D is going to bring the hurt on Clemson. Boston College
#18 Utah @ Oregon: Utah is looking to keep the longest winning streak in college football alive with a win at Oregon. Oregon is 5-0 against ranked teams at home and has won 28 of their last 30 non conference games at home. With all this in mind I cant help but pick the better team. Who like Oregon anyways? Utah
Arizona @ Iowa: I don’t know much about either of the two teams aside from Big 10, Pac 10 and Mike Stoops. Both teams are 2-0, someone has to come away with a victory. Arizona
#17 Cincinnati @ Oregon State: The Beavers have home field advantage against an under rated high powered offense of Cincinnati. The Bearcats have scored 117 points in their first two games. They'll face their first test when they visit Oregon State, which has allowed 28 points in two games. Plus, the Beavers have won 26 straight nonconference home games. I’m picking the upset because of Jacquizz Rodgers. Oregon State
West Virginia @ Auburn: I’d like for SEC to get Beat by Big East school, but I don’t think it will happen. Auburn
NFL picks tomorrow.
Every other Saturday, I have to work a 10 hour shift. This happens to be one of those Saturdays, so I won’t be watching the OU, Tulsa game. You can bet I’ll be listening to it on the radio. Once again, OU’s offensive line will be the tell tale. Landry Jones will be under center when Oklahoma hosts Tulsa. The freshman will make his second start after throwing for 286 yards and 3 touchdowns against Idaho State. This one could turn into an offensive show. Tulsa led the nation in total offense the past two seasons, and ranks 10th in points scored this season. I’m going to pick, OU, of course. I think the D and the home crowd will keep Tulsa close to their original line of scrimmage for most of the game. Watch for Tulsa to put a lot of heat on OU’s line backing crew with short passes in the flats and in hook zones.
My picks for this Saturday are as follows:
Texas Tech @ #2 Texas: Mac Brown is going to try and score 99 points to squash the beef from last year. Can you believe he wanted to move OU to the BIG XII north because he was tired of losing? Texas
#8 Cal @ Minnesota: The Bears have one of the best running backs in the country in Best, I see him with 150 yard before the game is out in Minnesota’s new on campus stadium. Can the 2-0 Golden Gophers stay undefeated against a ranked team? Cal
#19 Nebraska @ #13 Virginia Tech: Nebraska has a score to settle, but have the odds against them. With 984 yards total offense in the first to games, Nebraska is going to bring a solid game. The Hokies have not lost a nonconference home game in their past 31 tries. If VT makes to many mistakes, watch for the Huskers to come through with a W.
Virginia Tech.
East Carolina @ #24 North Carolina: Didn’t East Carolina get off to a good start last year? I haven’t seen much of the pirates this year. I wouldn’t mind an upset, but I think I’m going to stick to the rankings on this one. UNC
#23 Georgia @ Arkansas: Suey Pig! Georgia was the team that got beat by Oklahoma State at Oklahoma State. This is a chance for Arkansas to get an early SEC win. Home field advantage and pure moxy give Arkansas the win. Arkansas
Boston College @ Clemson: Boston College has looked pretty good in there first 2 games. Clemson likes to get out to a slow start. The BC D is going to bring the hurt on Clemson. Boston College
#18 Utah @ Oregon: Utah is looking to keep the longest winning streak in college football alive with a win at Oregon. Oregon is 5-0 against ranked teams at home and has won 28 of their last 30 non conference games at home. With all this in mind I cant help but pick the better team. Who like Oregon anyways? Utah
Arizona @ Iowa: I don’t know much about either of the two teams aside from Big 10, Pac 10 and Mike Stoops. Both teams are 2-0, someone has to come away with a victory. Arizona
#17 Cincinnati @ Oregon State: The Beavers have home field advantage against an under rated high powered offense of Cincinnati. The Bearcats have scored 117 points in their first two games. They'll face their first test when they visit Oregon State, which has allowed 28 points in two games. Plus, the Beavers have won 26 straight nonconference home games. I’m picking the upset because of Jacquizz Rodgers. Oregon State
West Virginia @ Auburn: I’d like for SEC to get Beat by Big East school, but I don’t think it will happen. Auburn
NFL picks tomorrow.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Monday the 14th
Monday the 14th
I like to give a shout out to the Houston Cougars. Beating an over rated # 5 Oklahoma State. That’s so effing awesome! Also, Boomer Sooner on the Shut out! I know it’s just Idaho State, but a shut out is a shut out. That’s like No Hitting the Nationals. A no hitter is a no hitter. Good job D! I got 6 picks out of 10 correct this week in college football. Not the best week, however I’m still sitting over 50%.
The NFL on the other hand, I got all but 2 of the games picked correctly. The 49ers surprised everyone I think, and I really wanted the bears to pull that shiz out. There are still two NFL games tonight. I kind of want Buffalo to beat the Pats, but I picked the Pats. I’ve got the Chargers picked over the Raiders too.
Monday…
I like to give a shout out to the Houston Cougars. Beating an over rated # 5 Oklahoma State. That’s so effing awesome! Also, Boomer Sooner on the Shut out! I know it’s just Idaho State, but a shut out is a shut out. That’s like No Hitting the Nationals. A no hitter is a no hitter. Good job D! I got 6 picks out of 10 correct this week in college football. Not the best week, however I’m still sitting over 50%.
The NFL on the other hand, I got all but 2 of the games picked correctly. The 49ers surprised everyone I think, and I really wanted the bears to pull that shiz out. There are still two NFL games tonight. I kind of want Buffalo to beat the Pats, but I picked the Pats. I’ve got the Chargers picked over the Raiders too.
Monday…
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
Welling Wednesday
Blogger world! I shot a 102 at Porter Peach Beach. That's right... I took 30 strokes off of my score. I would have shot under a 100 but they counted strokes when I was swinging at mosquitoes the size of horse flies. Anyways, the reason I have gathered here today is to educate you about the town of Welling. So if you ever venture in that direction, you will be prepared. This particular blog could very well save your life one day. I sell things. I’m not the guy that will sell you a lemon and make you like it. I’m the guy that will sale you what you want. Or what you don’t want depending on gas prices. I see myself as more customer service oriented. I’ve never sold cars, however; vacuums, boots, and currently cellular phones. If you live in a county that touches my county, you’ve bought something from me. I sold a vacuum cleaner to a barber shop with tile floors. Scout’s honor.
I worked for a vacuum cleaner company in the summer of 2004. I remember it was summer because the ac in my ’95 Ford Contour didn’t work. To give you a brief history of the Contour: I was previously in a low rider club and it was on air ride. For any of you that don’t know, air ride is for the most part like hydraulics only with air. The Contour… Jeeze, the air hoses leaked, the compressor didn’t work, the valves stuck… By far, adding four air struts to this car was one of the worst financial decisions I have ever made. I digress… So, it’s hot, and I have to go “Demo” a vacuum in Welling, OK.
These demos were set up with a phone call and directions to the house are taken at that time. Needless to say, the directions I was given were incorrect once I got into the town. The town consists of a fire station and a post office that is hidden. Following my directions, I turn left on the 2nd paved road after the Illinois River. Making this left turn I notice that there is a sign on a corner post that says, “Trespassers will be shot, survivors will be shot again.” Doesn’t seem to be a good start to a sale… I follow this paved road for about 4 miles, seeing several signs of my leaving civilization. At the end of the paved road there is a small store named, The General Store. Just past the store, the now dirt road has split, north or south. You remember I have no ac in my car so I thought I’d stop in the store and grab a cool beverage and a pack of gum. As I pull up to the store an old man is out front rocking in his chair. In disgust, the old man gets out of the chair and goes inside as I park. When I walk into the store it looks like something out of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre. There were no cold beverages. None… The closest thing to a cold beverage was the oldest Yoo-hoo I have ever seen in my life. I’m 27 years old. This bottle of Yoo-hoo was older than 27 years. I googled around and found one that looked like the case I saw that day.
Same with gum…
The amount of dust on both of these products was unimaginable. I made no purchases that day and decided to go on about my business after asking for directions to the location of the demo. The old man behind the counter at the general store told me he had no recollection of anyone by the name I had ever living in the area.
I decided to take a right at the fork and go from there. As I was driving around looking for signs of life, I was also in a no cell service area. I couldn’t get in touch with base and even when I did get reception to call the number I had for the demo wasn’t answering. I was driving relatively slow; no air in the struts, dirt road, etc, and came up upon what looked like at least 1/3 of a tree laying in the road. I’m not real sure a 4X4 truck could have cleared the “limb.” I pulled to a stop and got out to move it. This was a role your sleeves up job. So I rolled them up and started heaving it over enough to drive around it. I got it moved about 3 feet when I realized that I was moving the limb and what appeared to be a 25’ snake! I ran, ran smooth as fast as I could and jumped in my car window head first, almost Dukes of Hazard style. I ran because after my initial startle, it chased me. It was one of those Blue black racin’ snakes. I don’t care much for snakes, let alone snakes that chase you. With two tires in the ditch, I managed to drive around the tree limb hoping to run over the snake that was long gone by now. Continuing on, still no help from the office, I came across yet another large limb in the road, only this time, the ditch was a pond. I don’t mean it had rained, I mean the road I was on drove over the bank of a pond full of lily pads. The other side of the road was dense in vegetation. Just thickets and shiz right up to the road. There was no way around this. I had to remove the tree limb from the road. My sleeves were still rolled up, that saved a little time right there. This limb was considerably smaller so I was able to herc it into the thickness to the right of the road. Just as I let go I heard, what started very quiet, the most ferocious growl I have ever heard in my entire life. I stood as still as possible, remembering that a T-Rex could only see movement. I was sure that if I made any sudden moves, I would suffer a horrible death. Sure enough, the growling stopped and it was go time. I took a half a step and out of the bushes, with hell fire in its eyes, popped out the beast. When it came at me, I was scared. I peed a little. I ran, ran smooth as fast as I could and jumped in my car window head first, almost Dukes of Hazard style. When I got situated in my car, I looked out the window and the beast was up on the side of my car still carrying on. It was, in fact, the cutest little female dachshund I had ever seen. This little pink collared, 4 pound house pet had my pants wet. I thought about keeping it, seeing as how there was no house in site, but went on my way. Feisty little thing followed barking for about a mile in slow dirt road travel. It stopped when it saw my next obstacle, a cow, a cow just standing in the middle of the road. With again no way around, I had to get the cow to move. The horn didn’t work, so I decided that since my grandfather had cows, I could somehow get the cow to move. I tried the horn for a while. After realizing the cow didn’t have hearing problems because it would look at me after the horn blew, I knew that something else had to be done. I got out; sleeves rolled up, and proceeded to whip the cow’s backside with a stick. This did nothing. I didn’t even make the damned cow mad. I even tried pushing the cow to see if I could get it moving in a direction, nothing. I pulled a patch of sweet elephant grass and tried to tempt it, nothing… I was to the point to where I was just going to run it over, when I sat down and started my car, it just walked on off the road. I was pissed! On the road again. By now I have no clue where I am or, once again, if there is any houses. It’s about 4:30 pm, plenty of sun left on a summer afternoon, and I’m driving down a well lit dirt road when all of a sudden, the road veers wicked left into a canapé of trees. It went from bright daylight to the darkness of night in 3 feet. I turned my headlights on, and was determined to make a sale, until I found the church. In the middle of the darkness, set a lone church. There was a wooden, hand made sign resting out in front of the church with a single ray of sunlight shining upon it. It read, “Church of the First Born” and I’m out… For one, that was creepy. Two, I happened to be the 2nd in my family. I busted a U’ie in the road and headed back the way I came hoping I wasn’t seen by any of these people. On the way back, I saw no cow, no limbs, and no weenie dogs. Somehow, when I made my way back to the General Store, I ended up on the other part of the fork in the road. When I got to the paved road, I hauled ass. Just about 1 mile back on I saw a 90’s model Grand Am on the side of the road with the hood up, the front smash, smoking, with a guy standing out in front scratching his head. I had just gone through some crazy shiz and didn’t wish it on anyone else, so I check my cell service and started slowing down to see if he needed to make a phone call. Just as I approached the car the guy pulls out a Desert Eagle 5.0 and empties the clip into whatever was in the ditch. I spun out. From a 5 mile an hour creep, I accelerated to as fast as my Contour could travel. I didn’t let up until I got back on highway 10 headed into Tahlequah. I will never go back to Welling… Ever…..
Monday, September 7, 2009
2 picks and bad golf.
Jeeze... At least I picked two correctly. Congrats BYU, Oklahoma's offensive line hasn’t picked up one of your blitzes yet. Kudos to the OU defense, they did almost everything they could to keep what was suppose to be the best offense in FBS football in the game. Good job OK state and Bama for helping me look like less of a complete idiot. “Hands down rahba rahba… heroes rahba rahba… 21 points rahba…”
The OU game is on pay per view next week, maybe the pops will order it.
I played golf yesterday. I was looking for something funny to type up here on the good old internet and I saw a spot where you could submit a “bad” golf joke. I submitted my score… We’ll see. Anyone that plays golf knows that a 132 is in fact a horrible, abominable, unholy excuse for a golf score. It’s probably the worst I’ve ever played. I’ve shot a 100 once. I never said I was good, but I’ve never been a 132 bad. The “optimist” might see it as getting your money’s worth. I’m not real sure if you could tell, but if you know me, optimism is lost on me. I bet I lost 24 balls my last two outings. Most of the issue is concentration. I don’t concentrate enough to do what I’m supposed to on the course. I’m also real sensitive about people asking me if they need to hold my purse because my put came up short. If I had a $700 a month golf budget, I’d be better than anyone ever, and that’s real.
So, I’m playing golf again today, courtesy of Travis. I’m on his dime and using his balls. More than likely, some of his clubs too. We are playing in Porter. This is a 9 hole course that doesn’t have quite the moxy as the 18 that I shot the 132 at. The great thing about this course, the last time I went, my party was asked to not come back. They didn’t say that to us, they told some friends of mine that they told us to not come back. I really believe that there was just one person in the group that saw to this expulsion. My at the time roommates, a super cool guy, and I went to the Porter course. The super cool guy always has to race you at something. From how fast he can drink his beer, to if he can beat you to the tee box. Not to mention, possibly, he likes to see if he can be the loudest person on the course too. I guess we were on the 13th hole or so and our cart runs out of juice. We pop it in FWD and my roommate gets behind us and pushes us with his cart up to the “club house.” I think we were about 30 feet from the metal building added on to another building of some kind when a lady came out of the screen door at a dead sprint. (You read it right, screen door on a club house.) She hopped on a purple tricked out cart and rode it for all of 3 feet (by that time we were there) and jumped out and started screaming at us. “YOU ARE GOING TO RUIN IT! WHAT GEAR ARE YOU IN??”
The super cool guy had the wheel and I was in the passenger seat. I yelled back at her, “GEEEAAAARRR??” It was probably the best/funniest movie quote that I had ever used in everyday conversation. (DOGMA) The first thing the lady went for was all the beer cans, all 5 of them, and said, “How about we lay off of these for the rest of the day, guys.” We didn’t tear anything up, but when a few friends of mine went back the course had new rules and a sign in sheet. When they asked about the sheet the employees said that the super cool guy and I ruined the front end of one cart, and the back end of another. They also said that we did damage to some of the greens and fairways and the entire total damage (including carts) was around $5000 or so. There is absolutely no way, at all, that we caused even $20 worth. If I did anything, it was walking fairway crab grass seeds up onto the patchy ass greens. Today, I will be returning. We’ll see.
The OU game is on pay per view next week, maybe the pops will order it.
I played golf yesterday. I was looking for something funny to type up here on the good old internet and I saw a spot where you could submit a “bad” golf joke. I submitted my score… We’ll see. Anyone that plays golf knows that a 132 is in fact a horrible, abominable, unholy excuse for a golf score. It’s probably the worst I’ve ever played. I’ve shot a 100 once. I never said I was good, but I’ve never been a 132 bad. The “optimist” might see it as getting your money’s worth. I’m not real sure if you could tell, but if you know me, optimism is lost on me. I bet I lost 24 balls my last two outings. Most of the issue is concentration. I don’t concentrate enough to do what I’m supposed to on the course. I’m also real sensitive about people asking me if they need to hold my purse because my put came up short. If I had a $700 a month golf budget, I’d be better than anyone ever, and that’s real.
So, I’m playing golf again today, courtesy of Travis. I’m on his dime and using his balls. More than likely, some of his clubs too. We are playing in Porter. This is a 9 hole course that doesn’t have quite the moxy as the 18 that I shot the 132 at. The great thing about this course, the last time I went, my party was asked to not come back. They didn’t say that to us, they told some friends of mine that they told us to not come back. I really believe that there was just one person in the group that saw to this expulsion. My at the time roommates, a super cool guy, and I went to the Porter course. The super cool guy always has to race you at something. From how fast he can drink his beer, to if he can beat you to the tee box. Not to mention, possibly, he likes to see if he can be the loudest person on the course too. I guess we were on the 13th hole or so and our cart runs out of juice. We pop it in FWD and my roommate gets behind us and pushes us with his cart up to the “club house.” I think we were about 30 feet from the metal building added on to another building of some kind when a lady came out of the screen door at a dead sprint. (You read it right, screen door on a club house.) She hopped on a purple tricked out cart and rode it for all of 3 feet (by that time we were there) and jumped out and started screaming at us. “YOU ARE GOING TO RUIN IT! WHAT GEAR ARE YOU IN??”
The super cool guy had the wheel and I was in the passenger seat. I yelled back at her, “GEEEAAAARRR??” It was probably the best/funniest movie quote that I had ever used in everyday conversation. (DOGMA) The first thing the lady went for was all the beer cans, all 5 of them, and said, “How about we lay off of these for the rest of the day, guys.” We didn’t tear anything up, but when a few friends of mine went back the course had new rules and a sign in sheet. When they asked about the sheet the employees said that the super cool guy and I ruined the front end of one cart, and the back end of another. They also said that we did damage to some of the greens and fairways and the entire total damage (including carts) was around $5000 or so. There is absolutely no way, at all, that we caused even $20 worth. If I did anything, it was walking fairway crab grass seeds up onto the patchy ass greens. Today, I will be returning. We’ll see.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Opening Saturday!
Hooray Tulsa! That’s 1 pick.
Several teams kick off the football season today. This makes me very happy. I will be watching the Georgia Oklahoma State game, the Oklahoma BYU game, and then I’ll be catching the end of the Alabama Virginia Tech game.
#13 Georgia @ #9 Oklahoma State
As much as I hate to do it, I think I’m going to stick to my BIG XII guns here and go with OK State. OSU opens the season with their highest ranking in 30 some odd years. Georgia did put the hurt on State at Athens in ’07, but being in Stillwater, with Boone Pickens to pay billions of dollars to anyone and everyone, I think State will pull it out. The Bulldogs front 4 won’t put enough pressure on Zack Robinson, giving him time to throw the ball deep and make plays with his feet. If they beat Georgia, they will be favored in the next 6 games, giving them a chance to be 7-0 going into a home game against #2 Texas. #9 Oklahoma State by 10
#3 Oklahoma vs. #20 BYU
The Sooners, hands down. Not only is this my favorite college football team, but I believe that the Sooners just have to many offensive weapons and 9 returning starters on defense that will help them return to Norman with a victory. Rumored to be the best defense under stoops, the Safety positions will be the weak spots going into the season (2 of 11 starters that didn’t return.). BYU is sure to score some points with a deep threat passing offense, but can they score enough to keep up with the most powerful offense in the nation..? Look for Mossis Madu to get some hand offs and catch some short passes with monstrous YAC form the slot position. 2 1,000 yard returning running backs in Brown and Murry will also take turns breaking down the D line and opening up the play action pass. My only concern is Sooners Special Teams play. Will they stay in their lanes? #3 Oklahoma by 21
#5 Alabama vs. #7 Virginia Tech
In this Primetime match up, I’m picking SEC over ACC. Nick Saban promised to bring football back to the tide and so far, he’s done a pretty good job. Alabama is starting a new QB in Greg McElroy, but he still has the advantage of tossing the ball to a veteran receiver corp. I think the Bama D if going to be the deciding factor in this game. Look for this one to be decided in the 4th quarter. Alabama by 7
Everyone, enjoy your Saturday.
Several teams kick off the football season today. This makes me very happy. I will be watching the Georgia Oklahoma State game, the Oklahoma BYU game, and then I’ll be catching the end of the Alabama Virginia Tech game.
#13 Georgia @ #9 Oklahoma State
As much as I hate to do it, I think I’m going to stick to my BIG XII guns here and go with OK State. OSU opens the season with their highest ranking in 30 some odd years. Georgia did put the hurt on State at Athens in ’07, but being in Stillwater, with Boone Pickens to pay billions of dollars to anyone and everyone, I think State will pull it out. The Bulldogs front 4 won’t put enough pressure on Zack Robinson, giving him time to throw the ball deep and make plays with his feet. If they beat Georgia, they will be favored in the next 6 games, giving them a chance to be 7-0 going into a home game against #2 Texas. #9 Oklahoma State by 10
#3 Oklahoma vs. #20 BYU
The Sooners, hands down. Not only is this my favorite college football team, but I believe that the Sooners just have to many offensive weapons and 9 returning starters on defense that will help them return to Norman with a victory. Rumored to be the best defense under stoops, the Safety positions will be the weak spots going into the season (2 of 11 starters that didn’t return.). BYU is sure to score some points with a deep threat passing offense, but can they score enough to keep up with the most powerful offense in the nation..? Look for Mossis Madu to get some hand offs and catch some short passes with monstrous YAC form the slot position. 2 1,000 yard returning running backs in Brown and Murry will also take turns breaking down the D line and opening up the play action pass. My only concern is Sooners Special Teams play. Will they stay in their lanes? #3 Oklahoma by 21
#5 Alabama vs. #7 Virginia Tech
In this Primetime match up, I’m picking SEC over ACC. Nick Saban promised to bring football back to the tide and so far, he’s done a pretty good job. Alabama is starting a new QB in Greg McElroy, but he still has the advantage of tossing the ball to a veteran receiver corp. I think the Bama D if going to be the deciding factor in this game. Look for this one to be decided in the 4th quarter. Alabama by 7
Everyone, enjoy your Saturday.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Here it is, Friday, Eve of College Football Saturday. Aside from the baseball-like scores of the two games last night, it was ok. Tulsa plays Tulane tonight on ESPN. Go Hurricanes.
Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. Byron Hout had a plan, but then got punched in the mouth. Just like the sportscasters say, there is no place for these actions in college football, or any other sport. I for one thought it was classy that Legarrette Blount didn’t try to blame the trash talking of Hout for his emotional break down. This brings me to another point, people, quit talking shit, you might get punched in the mouth. On a serious note, you shouldn’t go around punching people in the mouth unless they say something about your mother. Byron Hout could have easily said something about Blount mother, POW! Right in the kisser. It is Blount’s senior year, so I believe they should just suspend him for, let’s say, 4 games. We are all human. Well, most of us… and we all make mistakes from time to time especially when our emotions do our judging.
OU in Season Openers.
Oklahoma is 87-21-6 in season openers including a 43-12-1 mark when playing away from Norman. Bob Stoops is 9-1 in openers at Oklahoma. The only one
not at home was the 2002 game at Tulsa, a 37-0 OU win. This is the ninth time that Oklahoma has opened a season in the state of Texas, the first since 1993 when the Sooners played at TCU in Fort Worth. That season-opener is one of only two that OU previously played in the Metroplex. The other was 1970 at SMU in Dallas. This is the 10th time that OU has opened versus a ranked foe, the first since a 34-14 win at No. 19 UCLA in 1990. Oklahoma is 5-4 in openers vs. ranked opponents.
Boomer sooner.
Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth. Byron Hout had a plan, but then got punched in the mouth. Just like the sportscasters say, there is no place for these actions in college football, or any other sport. I for one thought it was classy that Legarrette Blount didn’t try to blame the trash talking of Hout for his emotional break down. This brings me to another point, people, quit talking shit, you might get punched in the mouth. On a serious note, you shouldn’t go around punching people in the mouth unless they say something about your mother. Byron Hout could have easily said something about Blount mother, POW! Right in the kisser. It is Blount’s senior year, so I believe they should just suspend him for, let’s say, 4 games. We are all human. Well, most of us… and we all make mistakes from time to time especially when our emotions do our judging.
OU in Season Openers.
Oklahoma is 87-21-6 in season openers including a 43-12-1 mark when playing away from Norman. Bob Stoops is 9-1 in openers at Oklahoma. The only one
not at home was the 2002 game at Tulsa, a 37-0 OU win. This is the ninth time that Oklahoma has opened a season in the state of Texas, the first since 1993 when the Sooners played at TCU in Fort Worth. That season-opener is one of only two that OU previously played in the Metroplex. The other was 1970 at SMU in Dallas. This is the 10th time that OU has opened versus a ranked foe, the first since a 34-14 win at No. 19 UCLA in 1990. Oklahoma is 5-4 in openers vs. ranked opponents.
Boomer sooner.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
College Football and Beer
1st post! Hoooray!
That's right, College football and beer. How cliché? Bite me. I keep it funky. I keep it real. And that’s real. Each week I will be Previewing and reviewing a different beer and a college football game, more than likely a game played by the University of Oklahoma, although, other games; through out the BIG XII and a few other local teams. You will see picks, opinions, and vast amounts of ranting about play calling. Oh yeah, and also beer. I like beer. I’m not a “drinker” per say, I do like beer. 1) Sam Adams Light, 2) Michelob Lager, 3) Michelob Amber Bock, 4) Sessions, 5) Shiner Blonde, 6) Red Stripe, 7) Miller Light, 8) Old Fezziwig (seasonal), 9) Flying Dog Tire Bite, 10) Dead Guy Ale. I’d have to say I’m really more into the Lager.
Ah, Football season.
No. 16 Oregon at No. 14 Boise State @ 9:15pm on ESPN will be the game to watch tonight. I don’t like either team because, well they are cheats. Ok, ok… Boise State didn’t cheat. Bad play calling and poor tackling… OU really lost more than they thought they would when Mike Stoops left. I miss that guy. But yeah, Oregon, effing cheats! I’m going to try and watch this game; however, the blue turf at Boise State gives me a head ache so… maybe not.
Friday, Tulsa at Tulane will play @ 7 on ESPN. I like Tulsa.
Saturday, college football is off in full force with 19 top 25 teams playing. Three games to watch, No.5Alabama vs. No.7 Virginia Tech, primetime on ABC, No 13 Georgia @ No. 9 Oklahoma State on ABC at 2:30, and No. 3 Oklahoma vs. No. 20 BYU on ESPN at 6:00. Out of the 15 games with top 25 teams, these are the games with a top 25 match up.
That's right, College football and beer. How cliché? Bite me. I keep it funky. I keep it real. And that’s real. Each week I will be Previewing and reviewing a different beer and a college football game, more than likely a game played by the University of Oklahoma, although, other games; through out the BIG XII and a few other local teams. You will see picks, opinions, and vast amounts of ranting about play calling. Oh yeah, and also beer. I like beer. I’m not a “drinker” per say, I do like beer. 1) Sam Adams Light, 2) Michelob Lager, 3) Michelob Amber Bock, 4) Sessions, 5) Shiner Blonde, 6) Red Stripe, 7) Miller Light, 8) Old Fezziwig (seasonal), 9) Flying Dog Tire Bite, 10) Dead Guy Ale. I’d have to say I’m really more into the Lager.
Ah, Football season.
No. 16 Oregon at No. 14 Boise State @ 9:15pm on ESPN will be the game to watch tonight. I don’t like either team because, well they are cheats. Ok, ok… Boise State didn’t cheat. Bad play calling and poor tackling… OU really lost more than they thought they would when Mike Stoops left. I miss that guy. But yeah, Oregon, effing cheats! I’m going to try and watch this game; however, the blue turf at Boise State gives me a head ache so… maybe not.
Friday, Tulsa at Tulane will play @ 7 on ESPN. I like Tulsa.
Saturday, college football is off in full force with 19 top 25 teams playing. Three games to watch, No.5Alabama vs. No.7 Virginia Tech, primetime on ABC, No 13 Georgia @ No. 9 Oklahoma State on ABC at 2:30, and No. 3 Oklahoma vs. No. 20 BYU on ESPN at 6:00. Out of the 15 games with top 25 teams, these are the games with a top 25 match up.
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